Death by Paper Blood: WMU Admins Should Receive What They Create

Oh Christ. Where to begin…

I guess I’ll start by first saying that it gives me very little pleasure to write this. I don’t enjoy writing about death or spilled blood, but unfortunately it seems our administration needs a reminder. If they wanna go in-person this semester, they’re gonna have to get used to the word “death”, and they’re gonna have to get comfy and cozy with it.

So anyway.

I think we can make the reasonable assumption that our administration is either pretending to be completely out of touch, or is doing it by accident, and values our tuition more than our lives.

But I have a hypothetical scenario I would like our administration to imagine, just as a thought experiment. It’s not too bad, and I think you’ll find it’s even more fair than your current plan.

In a world where we could somehow trace pandemic cases directly to WMU being open; for every case, every admin responsible for the re-open gets a paper cut. And I mean, that’s really not so bad, is it? Hell, I think all of us students would trade a few dozen paper cuts for a single free semester. And after all, the tradeoff of a life-threatening illness for a paper cut is quite the favorable exchange rate.

At least not for the first week. At first it’s just that person at Fall Welcome, plus those six aviation students. Seven paper cuts. That’s gonna hurt, but they’re just paper cuts after all. It’s not like it’ll KILL you.

But as we know, these cases break out exponentially. The second week it’s 20-25 cases. Suddenly it starts to spread off campus. 60 cases, 180 cases, it would easily be hundreds more if that tracing were possible.

So whaddya say? If that were hypothetically possible, would you be willing to be held accountable in that way? Death by a thousand paper cuts? You seem to have no trouble trading our blood for paper. If that’s the deal you wanna strike, the least you could do is use that paper to give a little of yours back.